(This is the second piece by Ms Odette Katrak, HR Professional, Trainer and social activist, Gurgaon).
It all started when I came to live in Gurgaon almost two years ago. Having just moved from the UK, the chaos on the roads and the complete disregard for discipline here shocked me. People going the wrong way on roads (with headlights on as if that made it okay!), unauthorised U-turns before a roundabout (clearly they didn’t stop to think how the word ‘roundabout’ evolved!), stopping at a red light and getting honked at from behind as if I had done something wrong - assaulted with these daily scenarios, my little daughter innocently remarked: “Mamma, I wish they can get the Queen to come and rule India, and then people here will follow rules like they do in the UK”.
Such a remark from this eight year old was not surprising, not just because she had witnessed the most orderly traffic and courteous people on British soil – but also because since she was little, my husband and I have been particular to instil in our children a strong sense of right and wrong, of responsibilities and rights, of what is okay and what is not. When she was all of two years old, she’d scribbled on our marble floor with a red crayon. That was perhaps her first real lesson in boundaries and consequences, for I gave her a damp cloth and some vim powder and sat beside her on the floor and asked her to clean it. She struggled quite a bit, tears rolling down her cheeks (and it took nerves of steel not to pat her, say it was okay and do it myself). But she realised from this experience what a difficult task the cleaning was and why it was not okay to scribble. Needless to say, she never did it again. The lessons continued as and when required, always with a clear explanation. By age six, living in the UK, she understood the concept of shared responsibility – and ably managed the dusting, folding clothes, clearing the dinner table. The concept of responsibilities, boundaries, consequences for not maintaining them was therefore well-honed, and she simply could not understand this behaviour on the roads.
That pithy remark from my child perhaps planted in my mind the thought that if things could work elsewhere, (and how beautifully they did), surely there is scope here too. Besides the road indiscipline, what bothered me immensely was the littering, spitting, queue jumping, honking... Children from educated families happily toss empty chips packets on a spotless lawn or out of a fancy car. Recently, a person coming out of an expensive delicatessen threw a paper napkin on the road – and when I politely requested him to use the nearby bin, his response was ‘Why do we have cleaners?” Maids, drivers, cleaners do not hesitate to spit anywhere and everywhere they please, even on the lawns that our children play on. I could not stay silent and watch all this. I needed to do something.
Litter was the easiest to start with. I made some headway by conducting a workshop for about sixty children from our condominium, together with a few like-minded residents. We then got them involved in a litter drive and a turf competition to see whose patch was the cleanest. The children had fun, but more important, at the end of it, they all definitely have litter sense (sadly, such basic sense had not been inculcated either by parents or schools). Today I know none of them will litter – they all took a litter pledge, which also promises they will educate any other litterer they encounter. But if I do witness anyone littering here or elsewhere, I politely request them to use a bin, saying that we are all responsible to keep the surroundings clean.
Let me leave you with the thought that a very necessary first step for any concerned citizen hoping to make a difference is creating an awareness that something is not okay and that alternate action is called for. My first attempts at doing this never really had the impact I’d hoped, for I’d angrily pounce on the wrongdoer making him defensive or argue back. Having learnt the hard way, I realise my good intentions work only if i make a smiling request, while also stating the reason the action is not okay. Let me assure you that it works nine times out of ten. I hope you will be willing to take this first step and experience for yourself the satisfaction of being able to achieve a positive outcome – and start making a small difference, one step at a time. And don’t forget the smile
It all started when I came to live in Gurgaon almost two years ago. Having just moved from the UK, the chaos on the roads and the complete disregard for discipline here shocked me. People going the wrong way on roads (with headlights on as if that made it okay!), unauthorised U-turns before a roundabout (clearly they didn’t stop to think how the word ‘roundabout’ evolved!), stopping at a red light and getting honked at from behind as if I had done something wrong - assaulted with these daily scenarios, my little daughter innocently remarked: “Mamma, I wish they can get the Queen to come and rule India, and then people here will follow rules like they do in the UK”.
Such a remark from this eight year old was not surprising, not just because she had witnessed the most orderly traffic and courteous people on British soil – but also because since she was little, my husband and I have been particular to instil in our children a strong sense of right and wrong, of responsibilities and rights, of what is okay and what is not. When she was all of two years old, she’d scribbled on our marble floor with a red crayon. That was perhaps her first real lesson in boundaries and consequences, for I gave her a damp cloth and some vim powder and sat beside her on the floor and asked her to clean it. She struggled quite a bit, tears rolling down her cheeks (and it took nerves of steel not to pat her, say it was okay and do it myself). But she realised from this experience what a difficult task the cleaning was and why it was not okay to scribble. Needless to say, she never did it again. The lessons continued as and when required, always with a clear explanation. By age six, living in the UK, she understood the concept of shared responsibility – and ably managed the dusting, folding clothes, clearing the dinner table. The concept of responsibilities, boundaries, consequences for not maintaining them was therefore well-honed, and she simply could not understand this behaviour on the roads.
That pithy remark from my child perhaps planted in my mind the thought that if things could work elsewhere, (and how beautifully they did), surely there is scope here too. Besides the road indiscipline, what bothered me immensely was the littering, spitting, queue jumping, honking... Children from educated families happily toss empty chips packets on a spotless lawn or out of a fancy car. Recently, a person coming out of an expensive delicatessen threw a paper napkin on the road – and when I politely requested him to use the nearby bin, his response was ‘Why do we have cleaners?” Maids, drivers, cleaners do not hesitate to spit anywhere and everywhere they please, even on the lawns that our children play on. I could not stay silent and watch all this. I needed to do something.
Litter was the easiest to start with. I made some headway by conducting a workshop for about sixty children from our condominium, together with a few like-minded residents. We then got them involved in a litter drive and a turf competition to see whose patch was the cleanest. The children had fun, but more important, at the end of it, they all definitely have litter sense (sadly, such basic sense had not been inculcated either by parents or schools). Today I know none of them will litter – they all took a litter pledge, which also promises they will educate any other litterer they encounter. But if I do witness anyone littering here or elsewhere, I politely request them to use a bin, saying that we are all responsible to keep the surroundings clean.
Let me leave you with the thought that a very necessary first step for any concerned citizen hoping to make a difference is creating an awareness that something is not okay and that alternate action is called for. My first attempts at doing this never really had the impact I’d hoped, for I’d angrily pounce on the wrongdoer making him defensive or argue back. Having learnt the hard way, I realise my good intentions work only if i make a smiling request, while also stating the reason the action is not okay. Let me assure you that it works nine times out of ten. I hope you will be willing to take this first step and experience for yourself the satisfaction of being able to achieve a positive outcome – and start making a small difference, one step at a time. And don’t forget the smile
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